Bell, Let’s Talk

It’s that day the giant blue media monopoly in Canada has branded their day to talk about mental health. I hate that this company touts mental health support while continuing to ignore the mental health needs of their very own employees. We need to talk.

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s not okay to treat others, regardless of whether they’re feeling okay or not okay, like garbage.

I don’t hide my struggles, for the most part. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’ve hit rock bottom. It took a while, but I managed to climb up and out. I’m not afraid to talk about it.

It has, unfortunately, impacted my content creation over the years. But I refuse to give in to it and give up. It might sideline me at times, but I keep fighting it to jump back in.

I’ve hit rock bottom. Again. It’s why I haven’t created much in the way of content for the last ~six months or so, in addition to the internet problems we had in the fall and early winter.

I’ve had to walk away from opportunities, as I’ve lacked the bandwidth for any of it. I’m out of spoons. I’ve lost my spark. I refuse to give in and give up.

I’ve lost the desire to game. I’ve lost the desire to have fun. My get up and go got up and went, and left me feeling like I’ve been run over by a tractor trailer. I refuse to give in and give up.

Things are pretty bad this time around. I have only worked 1 1/4 days in 2021. I’m currently off work and in the process of getting approved to take a medical leave.

I probably shouldn’t write about it publicly. But I refuse to give in to the fucking stigma surrounding mental health, and will not be silenced.

I’m thankful I have a great employer & benefits. It’s still a stressful waiting game, but it’s an opportunity so so many others do not have. That is a fucking shame. Everyone should have the resources available to get care for mental health struggles.  Everyone.

I’m lucky. Incredibly lucky. I have a partner, family and friends that love me and support me. I have a great family doctor who wants nothing but to see me healthy, physically & mentally. I have resources to help me. I refuse to give in and give up.

I feel like shit. A lot. I know it’s my brain, struggling. I refuse to give in and give up. I’m fighting. One day, I will get better and hold my head high in victory.

For now, I put on a brave face. My mask. And I fight. I refuse to give in and give up.

I kindly ask that you try to remember it’s okay to not be okay. Everyone is fighting their own battles that others may not have a chance to see – or help fight.

And while I’m struggling right now, my DMs are still open if you yourself need someone to reach out to.



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