It started with season two of Shiny Happy People.
I haven’t even finished it. I can’t get past the first episode.
Not because it’s poorly done, but because it hits too close.
That first episode alone cracked something open.

And somewhere between watching it and remembering the church in Rochester I attended during university, I ended up searching for a youth pastor I’d once known through Church and Church camp connections.

I don’t remember exactly what made me think of him.
Maybe I was trying to remember the name of the church.
Maybe I was just tracing old paths for no good reason.
Doesn’t matter.
I Googled him.

And there it was: a charge for child luring.

It was a holy shit moment.

Not disbelief, exactly. More like a sudden drop.
Like your stomach getting the memo before your brain finishes the sentence.

He wasn’t my youth pastor, not directly.
But he was part of the ecosystem. Church-adjacent. Camp-adjacent. Trusted by people I trusted.
And that was enough to make the headline feel personal.

But then Blaugust started, and I suddenly didn’t have time to sit and try to unpack any of it.
I shelved it for another day, eventually earmarked it for my next therapy session, and tried to look forward to happier things.

And now James Dobson is dead.

And I’m thinking about it all over again.

I wasn’t planning to write about James Dobson today.
Or the ex–youth pastor I Googled in late July.

But here I am.

Yesterday was another heavy day.

I guess it’s one more entry on the unpacking list for my therapy sessions!

I’ve been struggling with something to write tonight. Not that there isn’t anything to write about, but because I can’t get the thoughts inside of my head to make it to the screen coherently enough to be happy enough to post what I’ve written.

So here I am, writing about what I can’t write about.

I struggle. A lot. With keeping my desk clean. My bedside table. A project table. Everything is chaos, but it’s my chaos.

Over the last week, I finally put some energy into changing that. At least, for now.

I cleared off my desk in the studio and moved everything except the essentials, the stuff I actually need for work and play. No clutter. Just the basics. It feels weird, but good.

I also finally started using my Toothless desk mat. And right now? That’s my biggest motivator to keep things clean. I don’t want it getting gross, so I’m using coasters for drinks and putting containers on something protective. Toothless deserves better.

No idea how long this will last. But I’m enjoying the reset while it’s here.

Almost 18 years ago, I moved to Orillia. Where I knew nobody but my soon-to-be roommate. I didn’t have a job lined up, I didn’t have any money in savings. In fact I had quite a bit of student debt. But I was tired of living at home and needed a change.

Fast forward a few months after my first job ended (the Sundial Inn was not long for this world, and its demise had nothing to do with me coming to town), and I wound up finding myself working at the local call centre in town.

I had no idea what I was getting myself in to, but I was doing a decent job at my job and at making friends. Some of them are still good friends to this day.

Including this gem of a woman who I got to see again tonight, along with some of her adorable grandchildren.

Merry, you may not have known it then, but your friendliness and kindness helped this young twenty-something feel at ease while they navigated the challenges of life and being 300KM away from home. I’ve cherished the wisdom you shared with us back then, especially during all those car rides, and that whirlwind day trip to Toronto.

It was such a joy to see you again tonight. Thank you for being part of my story back then, and for still being just as lovely now.

Here’s to more reunions, more stories, and maybe even another whirlwind road trip someday.

My childhood best friend, my adulthood hero, deployed to the Arctic today.

It’s her second Arctic deployment, and I don’t know who is more excited about it this time around. It’s probably her. She gets to live and breathe in the moment of sailing with the Canadian Navy, something I could only dream of doing myself.

But I get to live it vicariously through her, at least the not classified stuff.

So yeah, Grounded’s on hold until at least late fall. Once she gets back, she’s heading off to Africa with another childhood friend. And then she’s off on a third adventure for a few weeks after that.

Maybe I’ll just fly out to see her when she gets back, for my birthday. I’m overdue for some birthday lobster and oysters!

Watching:
Just finished Season 6 of One Tree Hill. Not ready to start seeing less of Peyton and Lucas yet.
Also technically still watching Superman. So far, no regrets.

Playing:
RimWorld (modded, obviously). I don’t Rim and Tell. At least this month.
Grounded (multiplayer) is on pause until late Fall. More on that later. Maybe.

Eating:
Sweet Corn Turtle Chips. They’re delicious. The mister ate his whole bag in one sitting without realizing it. I, did not.

My childhood best friend is not a gamer.

Except she is, because she got into mobile gaming. And then got a Switch, which had her fall in love with the Assassin’s Creed franchise. And now, she has an Xbox One.

So today, we fired up Grounded for the first time together.

I started out by telling her that she needs to decide if she wants spiders or not-spiders. “No, let’s play the game!” Yes, yes, but make the decision before you regret your life choices!

We didn’t make it very far, cause she kept dying (okay, for some reason I did too? which is weird because we had it on the easiest mode for her since she’s so brand new to console gaming) and she couldn’t figure out the crafting and building buttons.

Now we’ve got another fun way of hanging out from provinces apart. Except we won’t be able to play again until the late fall – but that’s a blog post for another day.

I was on a client call the other day, and we ended up talking about what video games we’re all playing. Funnily enough, my client was familiar with RimWorld, and my colleague actually plays. After our client meeting wrapped up, he told me he’s never met another person who plays RimWorld except for friends he’s introduced to the game himself.

From there, we quickly spiralled into side chatter about space crimes! and not making lobotomized cyborg miners for asteroids, while rightfully assuring IT and HR that no, we do not commit any crimes, on Earth, or in Space.

At least, not outside of RimWorld.