pretending to care about my pronouns after you’ve intentionally repeatedly misgendered me for months doesn’t make you an ally.

it makes you the same shitty person you’ve been all along.

Don’t ever let someone make you feel guilty because they are suffering the consequences of their own actions.

It’s that day the giant blue media monopoly in Canada has branded their day to talk about mental health. I hate that this company touts mental health support while continuing to ignore the mental health needs of their very own employees. We need to talk.

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s not okay to treat others, regardless of whether they’re feeling okay or not okay, like garbage.

I don’t hide my struggles, for the most part. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’ve hit rock bottom. It took a while, but I managed to climb up and out. I’m not afraid to talk about it.

It has, unfortunately, impacted my content creation over the years. But I refuse to give in to it and give up. It might sideline me at times, but I keep fighting it to jump back in.

I’ve hit rock bottom. Again. It’s why I haven’t created much in the way of content for the last ~six months or so, in addition to the internet problems we had in the fall and early winter.

I’ve had to walk away from opportunities, as I’ve lacked the bandwidth for any of it. I’m out of spoons. I’ve lost my spark. I refuse to give in and give up.

I’ve lost the desire to game. I’ve lost the desire to have fun. My get up and go got up and went, and left me feeling like I’ve been run over by a tractor trailer. I refuse to give in and give up.

Things are pretty bad this time around. I have only worked 1 1/4 days in 2021. I’m currently off work and in the process of getting approved to take a medical leave.

I probably shouldn’t write about it publicly. But I refuse to give in to the fucking stigma surrounding mental health, and will not be silenced.

I’m thankful I have a great employer & benefits. It’s still a stressful waiting game, but it’s an opportunity so so many others do not have. That is a fucking shame. Everyone should have the resources available to get care for mental health struggles.  Everyone.

I’m lucky. Incredibly lucky. I have a partner, family and friends that love me and support me. I have a great family doctor who wants nothing but to see me healthy, physically & mentally. I have resources to help me. I refuse to give in and give up.

I feel like shit. A lot. I know it’s my brain, struggling. I refuse to give in and give up. I’m fighting. One day, I will get better and hold my head high in victory.

For now, I put on a brave face. My mask. And I fight. I refuse to give in and give up.

I kindly ask that you try to remember it’s okay to not be okay. Everyone is fighting their own battles that others may not have a chance to see – or help fight.

And while I’m struggling right now, my DMs are still open if you yourself need someone to reach out to.

 

#BellLetsTalk

Rob and I are hosting my friend from Mixer, Kittie, and her family for a few days while they get settled after their move to the city. I’ve taken some time off work and am excited to help them begin the getting settled process in a new place!

Not sure where they’re headed to after they stay with us for a bit, but hopefully they’ll be able to find a place to live soon enough, as the shelter system is certainly less than ideal – and they unfortunately can’t stay with us super long as our landlady will throw a fit.

It’s been eight years, and not a single day goes by that I don’t miss one of the best men I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing (let alone being related to). So much has changed in the time that has elapsed, but it still feels like yesterday. Our memories are fresh in my mind.

If you have a grandparent (or even a grandparent-like figure to you) still living today, and it’s at all possible, please take the time to make more memories with them. Life is frequently more precious than we realize, and there’s nothing worse than wondering “what if?” when we don’t take that extra moment.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long long long while, but laziness or something gets in the way.

I enjoy cooking. I’m not that great at it, although some people may tell you otherwise. But I enjoy sharing some of the meals I’ve cooked up, and often times I’m asked for the recipe and more photos of the meal/cooking process, so I figured that it’s time I get off my lazy butt (oh wait, I’m sitting on it right now writing this! :P) and start up a foods related thing here. It will most definitely also include foods that I’ve eaten that I have not cooked myself but want to share anyway, because hey, this is the Internet and Instagram only goes so far!

 

I’m definitely going to be using #kristyeats with all related posts, be forewarned. 🙂

My grandparents gave me my first job. Every other Saturday, I’d go over and clean their house, enjoy a lunch that typically consisted of boiled hot dogs with sliced bread, read through the Almonte Gazette and the EMC from that week, and occasionally have a nap with my grandfather – he on his blue couch, and me on mine.

I was paid $10 each time I went over to clean (woohoo!), but honestly, it wasn’t the money that I earned that had me going back every other weekend. I learned so much about life from these two people who loved me, our family and each other unconditionally.

My grandfather and I would talk about his time serving in World War II, and my grandmother would teach me how to make things with plastic canvas, bake (okay maybe she just let me supervise the dessert making and sample for health and safety reasons), and when I was paying attention, how to knit mittens and sew.

They were always patient with me, even on my crankiest of days, and always ALWAYS ensured the pickle supply never ran out (they also never ratted me out for sneaking pickles or olives or cheese or meat before a family dinner cause I was hungry and too impatient to wait).

One thing I loved, and is a tradition I’d like to continue with the little ones in my family as I outgrow being one of the little ones myself, was the sibling gift bag on birthdays. There wasn’t a single year that would go by as we were growing up, not a single birthday missed, that the two who weren’t celebrating a birthday didn’t have a sibling gift bag. They’d contain mostly school supplies and unmentionables, with the occasional toy – this is what happens with two birthdays at the start of the school year and one right before Christmas.

If I could be even half the awesome that these two were, I think I’d be mostly set for life.

It’s been fifteen years since you left us, but look how our family has grown! All of your grandbabies grew up into well adjusted adults (isn’t that a scary thought some days?), and our family has grown and grown. Now you’ve got two great grandbabies, and many great grandfurbabies. Not a day goes by that you are not missed, your love for each and every one of us not felt. Our family will continue to grow, and continue to cherish the memories with you. We will keep that place for you in our hearts, and continue to tell the world how wonderful you were.

Love you always and forever grammie. <3